All kids do that…

Please don’t compare me to a family with “typical” kids. I don’t care if there are 4 kids in that family or 19 and counting. I am still going to argue until I am blue in the face that raising a child with special needs (no matter how severe) is a COMPLETELY different experience and is full of challenges most don’t even know about.

First, if your child is verbal then your life is immensely different than mine. Remember how tough it was taking care of a 6 month old who would simply cry and you would play the guessing game of what was wrong? Are they sick? Are they hurt? Are they hungry? What do they want to eat? Where do they want to go? Imagine that but add the fact that your child is 100 pounds and completely mobile and able to do a lot more dangerous things to himself and others. Imagine that sometimes he looks at you with disappointment that you don’t understand his needs.

Second, if you have a lot of kids and have them involved in extracurricular activities I know that your life is busy. That every second of your day is spent on running them around and catering to their activities. Believe me, I get it and I would feel the same way. But please remember that YOU signed your kids up for all of that. It is not required for their development. It is meant to enrich their development. So when you compare the stress of taking all those kids all over the place, try and imagine what it would be like if the activities were actually required for them to simply co-exist in the world and imagine that your child HATES to go because in the end it is work, not fun. And imagine if you had a constant cloud of unknown behaviors to worry about. And I am sure you are still not carrying an entire diaper bag with you…

Now, you may not think you are doing this. But let’s take a look at some of the off-hand remarks we hear on an almost daily basis. “Well, so and so has this many kids all involved in this activity. At least you don’t have that!” or “So and so’s kids talks so much. Enjoy the silence!”. And let’s not forget the subtle “Oh, all kids do that!” These comments actually just hurt.

Not only does it prove you do not understand my situation but it also highlights my situation.

I WISH I was telling Z to stop talking all the time. I WISH I could take Z to his sport activity and just sit back and congratulate him on scoring the winning goal. I WISH I could take him to the park and sit on a bench on my phone or chatting with the other moms. I WISH I wasn’t instead spending every waking hour worried about how to fill his time so we don’t have a meltdown. I WISH I wasn’t on the phone with insurance at least once a month trying to get them to pay for a REQUIRED service. I WISH I didn’t have strangers completely disrupting our family life with coming to our house. I WISH I didn’t have to track meltdown schedules, poop schedules, sleep schedules… I WISH I WISH…

Bottom line… I think the gesture is meant to soothe and make me feel better. While I can certainly appreciate that, it actually does the opposite. And as I walk farther along this path I get less patient and will actually SAY what is going on in my head in these situations. And there will not be an apology for trying to prove my life is harder than yours.

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