A big part of your social network comes from hanging out at each other’s houses. Unfortunately, this is a challenge for our family. We find ourselves staying home most of the time due to it just being easier on everyone. Early on, we weren’t talking too much about exactly what living with Autism meant so going to someone’s house would bring that to light. We just weren’t ready for that. At this point, we know the places we can go, the people we can trust, the days where it will be a success and the days where we need to stay home. I am still not prepared for others to see the level of his meltdowns and have been mortified when they occur in public.
The biggest concern with going outside of our home is always the safety of Z. At our house, everything remains locked. We also have security cameras set up so we always have eyes on Z. Well, imagine going somewhere else that you don’t know. I have no control over what is locked and what isn’t. I have no control over how many “exits” there are. It’s not like we get a floorplan or a house tour everywhere we go. If we are in the backyard, how easy is it to get out? Do they have a pool? Do they have pets? If we are in the front yard, I am probably already on the ground from a heart attack at the pure stress of the open area..
Next concern is other people’s stuff. What is Z going to get into and potentially break? For most people, child proofing only happens for a few years of their life. We may be there forever… I have no breakables within reach (and Z is tall so this means literally no breakables…). We have gotten rid of most things and live with bare minimum. Good thing “minimalism” is an actual thing people are striving for! The last thing I want is for Z to break something. And if the house is decorated with balloons, we are in real trouble.
All of this leads me to what impacts my husband and I. Usually, when invited somewhere it is so you can HANG OUT with whoever invited you. Time to talk and catch up. Well, this doesn’t happen with us. One of us has to watch Z (and assist him) throughout the visit. We don’t usually get more than a 2-min conversation with someone before we are running after him. He won’t just sit and play with something for longer than 10 minutes (if I am lucky), he won’t play with the other kids, it’s hard to trust others to watch because they don’t know the warning signs. So it honestly just becomes more work and anxiety for us. Add to this if we had a rough night (or week) and I really don’t want to go.
This does not mean we don’t want to get together with people. We are starving for it sometimes. Those who know my husband know how social he is. This is very difficult for him to not be able to do. Those of us in the special needs community don’t often talk about the “loneliness” associated with it. So there are times where we power up. We say “we have to do this today”. We tag team it, we survive.
I say all of this hopefully not to make anyone feel bad. That is totally not my intention. I say it to explain why we seem like hermits, why we miss functions sometimes, why when we go I appear anti-social and engrossed in my son only, why I might need a vacation after an event. And please don’t stop inviting us. We really do make an effort to actually go to things (just might be 5 declines before we are able to).
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Tilted Axis 