This story is about how we choose to work with the misconception of others. There are many times where our own reaction will shape what a person will take away from a situation. React with love and others will be more open to understanding. Many times, special needs parents enter the world on the defensive and that can come across as harsh, stunting the growth of others. We have to constantly remind ourselves that our job is to protect our family and teach others, not to knock others down for their ignorance.
So let’s get to our story…
It was Easter 2016. Z was 8 years old. We decided to spend the morning at our favorite spot, the beach. Our beach has a park on it that Z always liked to run around on. We arrived at the park and a family was already there setting up an egg hunt on the playground. Z goes running towards the play structure happy as can be and this mom yelled something at him. We couldn’t hear exactly what she said as we were giving Z his space to roam. Well, to an outsider, it probably looked like he gave a dirty look and ignored her. We knew this was just his look when confronted with someone or something he didn’t know. And he wasn’t ignoring her, just simply enjoying his day and being solo. So she looked over at us all irritated (you know, because we weren’t handling our kid). Hubby very calmly says “oh, he’s non-verbal so that’s why he didn’t listen.” She paused for a bit and then said “He’s going to be playing with the eggs”. Hubby again very calmly says “he probably won’t notice the eggs”. Trust me, we would LOVE for him to notice the eggs. That’s the whole reason we were at the beach instead of enjoying a proper egg hunt.
Well, she was irritated with our lack of action but left us alone. Z ran around squealing his excitement, not touching ONE SINGLE egg. The family did their egg hunt and then were hanging out after. All the kids were hyped up and opening all of their eggs for “treasures”.
Some time goes by and a little later she comes up to us looking a bit sheepish and asked if she could give him an egg. We were honest and said he probably wouldn’t take it from her so she gave it to us. She started to walk away and then turned and said “Thank him for sharing his park” and she walked away. We gave Z the egg when we were done. He wasn’t interested in it and gave it back. We showed him it opened and that it had toys in it. He still wasn’t very interested, but did finally investigate it on the way home.
“Thank him for sharing his park.”
Now, we could have had a completely different reaction to her at the beginning of all of this. We could have lashed out at her for yelling at someone with special needs. For not “caring” about our population. Things would have escalated and she would have left the situation agreeing with everyone that says the special needs community is simply “entitled”. That we want everyone to do things for us. That we are a nuisance and ruined her holiday.
But we didn’t.. We remained calm and chose the opportunity to try and educate. Our reward was her understanding on her own that she was in the wrong. That she was not being compassionate. That she was not understanding Z’s disability and didn’t give him a chance. Had she come with compassion, she might have tried to incorporate him into their egg hunt which would have taught her own kids how to be compassionate to others (this is a concept deserving a blog on all its own..).
The misconception is that our kids are misbehaving. Oh, trust me, they can certainly misbehave and we will address that. However, we know our kids. We know them better than the back of our hand. Because we are always “on”. We are always watching our kids (Z can’t be left alone even in another room). We are always working closely with a multitude of professionals so we know exactly what their skill set is. We know the trigger points, the times when going to a park might cause stress rather than relief. We know, trust me.
I’ve said this before and will say it again. Please be patient with others. Do not immediately lash out. Do not come with your own ideas of how something will go. Be open to all possibilities and respect that others have way more going on than you will ever know. Compassion is always the safe bet in life.
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Tilted Axis 