Ok, so can we just talk about 2020 for a second? What the heck happened there?
So much changed for us in one little year. And yet so much did not change.
Just like most of you, our life started to change in March 2020. The day school shut down. One day we were doing all of our regular things. School, therapies, shopping, fun times. The next day it all just stopped. No heads up, no “coming next month”, just stopped. Like, is this for real?
I freaked out. Z going to school was a break for me. I hate to admit that I treated school like a babysitter. I dropped Z off in the morning (whether he liked it or not) and had a glorious 6 hours to work, clean, read, relax. When I picked him back up my batteries had been recharged and I was ready for whatever came. Suddenly, that was gone. What was I going to do with Z around ALL DAY LONG?
I am sure I am not the only one that experienced this feeling. I am sure that is what fueled the heated debate of re-opening schools. Parents designed their lives around their kids being gone for a portion of the day. They certainly never expected to have to juggle work and school under the same roof.
The days went by and it was hard. Z was adjusting to the new schedule. It was hard and stressful and we thought it might break us. But then we all simply adjusted like we do in so many scenarios with Z. We took stock of what was important to us: our health and our family.
You see, once we made it past the first bump of a schedule change, we saw a change in Z. He suffers from extreme anxiety and being away from the school environment actually helped him relax. We were always moving so fast that we did not pay attention to what the stress was doing to Z. His gut issues improved, his bloated stomach shrunk, his scratching/picking stopped for a bit. He was all around a happier dude.
Around this time, we were having major issues with Z’s school. It’s a long story for another time but basically they failed him that year. We made the difficult decision to move to a Charter School and to homeschool until the world returned to “normal”. We did not want to be forced to return to school before we felt safe.
So here we found ourselves going from enjoying the break of Z being gone at school to actually taking ownership of his education and having him home 100%. We were scared and nervous but optimistic that it was the best thing for Z and our family.
Now, at this point, let me just say that we didn’t have much difference in our lives. The isolation the rest of the world was complaining about is actually the norm for us. We don’t go to a lot of places due to Z’s behavior and chance of elopement. If we do go to a restaurant or a store, we pick odd times of the day to ensure the least amount of people will be there. Our weekends are mainly spent at home recovering from the crazy week. We do not get invited to birthday parties. There are not a lot of special needs sports groups for Z to join. All in all, we feel lonely and deprived every day whether there is quarantine or not.
So what has changed? Well, all of our services. For anyone who has ever set up special needs services, you will understand what a huge feat that is. You are trying to work with a new company who doesn’t know your child as well as an insurance company that doesn’t want to “give too much”. On average, it can take 6-9 months to get everything settled. Just before the shut down, I had finally gotten everything in line. Speech, OT, Swim, Respite.. I even got a house cleaner. Little brother was about to be evaluated for Preschool through the District and was also receiving speech and we were working on an evaluation for OT. Guess what? All these places also shut down! Yep, all my hard work just gone. Our schedule completely OPEN.. I think that was the most frustrating part of the whole shut down. I still am not over this part… haha
10 months later, my friends. 10 months that were excruciatingly long but also seemed to fly by in a weird way. And we’re surviving. We’re growing as parents, we’re growing as caregivers, we’re growing as therapists. We’ve always had to roll with the punches. We never knew what was around the corner. Yes, this added an extra wrinkle (ok, ok, a HUGE wrinkle). But we have adapted and learned to enjoy this time. Z is exceling in this environment and that is all we can ask for.
I know everyone wants things to go back to normal and so do I. But a small part of me will always remember 2020 with a weird fondness for what it really taught us. That you can lose everything and gain everything at the same time..
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Tilted Axis 