Accommodating the wrong side..

The handicap parking spots have forever been associated with physical disabilities. Isn’t that what you picture when you see a car parked in one of these spots? Have you ever seen someone get out of a car and thought “how did they get a pass?” They must be working the system for sure.

But the reality is that there are a variety of reasons a person would get a parking pass. This could be a physical or mental disability. It could be lifetime or temporary. To get the pass, a doctor has to complete a form detailing why the closer parking spot is necessary for the person. Whether it be an issue with walking far or simple safety concerns. Now, let me say that there are people that abuse this. Of course there are. But that doesn’t mean this is not something people deserve and need.

Z has a parking placard. We got one due to the safety issues we have in parking lots. Z will elope and has no concept of the danger he may face in the world. He will dart in front of a car with no understanding that it could hit him and hurt him. So the quickest we can get from the car to the destination, the better. If we can bypass the entire parking lot and walk right into the store that is ideal.

Now, we’ve had our adventures with this pass. I know I look fully capable and so does he. I feel the stares when I get out of the car, watching me closely for any sign of a disability. I see the look of disgust from strangers who think I do not deserve to park there. I have had “security guards” walk up to my car to confirm my placard is there and is legit. I have even had cops do this. I had a “senior citizen cop volunteer” tell me I sure don’t look like I need to park there even after they confirmed I had a placard. I have been yelled at by the elderly that I am “working the system” and taking their spot.

I have also had to regulate people who should not be parked there. When you need the spots and there are only so many you see all of the people that illegally use them because they are in a rush or just plain lazy. I have hit up people that are parked illegally and asked them to move. I have given more than my share of dirty looks to those who “break the rules”.

Z is in Middle School and we have been working through parking issues. I can’t simply wait in the parent line with everyone else and drop Z off at the gate and have him walk to his class on his own. There is a physical hand-off between me and the classroom staff (teacher or aide). We usually have to exchange words about his mood, sleep patterns, bowel issues, etc since he is non-verbal. This takes time that the other parents in line would not wait for. So we have to work out a different place to do this hand-off. This has proven to be problematic.

Let me set the stage for you… The school has two sides to the parking lot. One side is the office and teacher parking. Signs are up stating “Staff Only” and there are cones trying to prohibit you from entering. The other side is where the parents wait in a line and drop their kids off. The kids then have to walk past the office to a gate on the other side.

Anyone who has ever picked up or dropped off a kid at a school will know exactly what I am about to talk about. Parents are crazy. C.. R.. A.. Z.. Y…. And ENTITLED… They are often rushed to get to work, they may have had a bad morning with their child, they may have had car trouble, they may not have had their coffee yet. Whatever the reason, they think the world revolves around THEM and break all of the rules in these parking lots. They race around, park in the red, ignore basic traffic rules just to get their kid to class on time. For a parent of someone with elopement and safety issues, this is a recipe for disaster.

Initially, we were doing the drop off/pick up where the special needs buses are (on the teacher parking side, ride by the entrance gate). But this meant I was parked in the red and I was harassed on a daily basis by the security guards and asked to park in the Visitor section. Now, this meant that Z had to walk across the parking lot with all of these crazy parents racing around. And he has no sense of danger so he would expect all of them to stop for him if he got in their way which we both know wouldn’t be the case.

We went along with it, we didn’t want to make too many waves at a new school. But we felt more uneasy with each morning he almost got hit. Finally, we had to put our foot down. If the school was not going to regulate these parents then we needed better accommodations.

Let’s take a minute to talk about “accommodations”. There are two ways of looking at this. For the special needs community, we are not getting anything “additional”. It is simply replacing something we are lacking. It is a way of evening the playing field. For those outside of the community, it is seen as a negative to them. Something they do not get to take part in, something they are losing out on.

And let’s be honest. Sometimes it is something extra. Sometimes it is not an absolute necessity but an added bonus. But with what we have to deal with on a day to day basis, why can’t we have some incentive for our hard work? Something that makes life a little bit easier, a bit more enjoyable?

Anyways, I digress.. We put our foot down with the school, had a long talk with the vice principal and suggested to him that we park on the curb near the bus that is marked as blue loading. Guess what blue means? Handicap! You must have a placard to use that. Perfect solution, right? We have the placard and are either loading or unloading Z. This is what this was meant for.

But guess what we were told? “Well, if you are parking there then it might set a bad example for the other parents that are taking their kids straight to the gate.”

Ok…. So here’s the problem with that. It is not our responsibility to teach others how to obey rules. It is not our responsibility to put our child in danger just so others can break the rules.

The handicap loading zone was placed in the parking lot for a reason. For those in need of it. We are in need of it and therefore are allowed to use it. It is really that black and white. What the other parents do is a problem for the school to work through.

And this is what we experience quite a bit in our lives. We end up accommodating other people instead of having our needs met. Don’t want the stares and judgment? Don’t park in the handicap spot. Don’t take your child to a restaurant where their squeals will interrupt other people. Don’t go grocery shopping where they may remove items from the shelves or bother others in the checkout lanes. Don’t go to an amusement park. Don’t go to a park. Don’t go to the beach. Don’t, Don’t, Don’t.

So instead of a world becoming more inclusive, our disabled families are becoming more reclusive. We are pulling away from the world so as to accommodate typical families that do not want their good times to be bothered. Those with disabilities are pushed aside rather than embraced.

And I do not say all of this to portray a picture of hatred in these typical families. It is simply ignorance. Historically there has not been enough co-habitation among those with disabilities and those without. The disabled community begins their life in different classrooms than their typical peers. In adulthood, many live in special communities, have special job placements, lead separate lives.

This needs to change. Those who are disabled are part of our community and always have been. They are not “less than”. In my experience, they are often “more than”. They bring something to this world that can and will change things for the better. If we would only let them..

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